[Think] in a parallel universe...

[Fen Labalme]

Iran & the UN to the Rescue


The Case for Regime Change
By Ted Rall

NEW YORK--Making the case for United Nations intervention against the United
States, Iranian President Mohammad Khatami told the organization yesterday
that military action will be "unavoidable" unless the U.S. agrees to destroy
its weapons of mass destruction.

	In a much-anticipated speech to a special session of the U.N. General
	Assembly held in Brussels, Khatami launched a blistering attack
	against American leader George W. Bush, accusing him of defying
	U.N. resolutions and using his country's wealth to line the pockets
	of wealthy cronies at a time when the people of his country make do
	without such basic social programs as national health insurance.

	"Nearly two years ago, the civilized world watched as this evil and
	corrupt dictator subverted the world's oldest representative
	democracy in an illegal coup d'etat," said Khatami. "Since then the
	Bush regime has continued America's systematic repression of ethnic
	and religious minorities and threatened international peace and
	security throughout the world. Thousands of political opponents and
	ordinary citizens have been subjected to arbitrary arrest and
	imprisonment. Basic civil rights have been violated. This rogue state
	has flouted the international community on legal, economic and
	environmental issues. It has even ignored the Geneva Conventions on
	the treatment of prisoners of war by denying that its illegal
	invasion of Afghanistan--which has had a destabilizing influence
	throughout Central Asia--was a war at all."

	Khatami said the U.S. possesses the world's largest arsenal of
	nuclear weapons, weapons "that, when first developed, were used
	immediately to kill half a million innocent civilians just months
	after acquiring them. No nation that has committed nuclear genocide
	can be entrusted with weapons of mass destruction."

	"Bush has invaded Afghanistan and is now threatening Iraq. We cannot
	stand by and do nothing while danger gathers. We can't allow this
	tyrant to strike first. We have an obligation to act preemptively to
	protect the world from this evildoer," Khatami said.

	As delegates punctuated his words with bursts of applause, Khatami
	noted that U.S. intelligence agencies had helped establish and fund
	the world's most virulent terrorist organizations, including Al
	Qaeda, and the Taliban regime that harbored them. "The U.S. created
	the Islamist extremists who attacked its people on September 11,
	2001," he stated, "and Bush's illegitimate junta cynically exploited
	those attacks to repress political dissidents, make sweetheart deals
	with politically-connected corporations and revive 19th century-style
	colonial imperialism."

	Khatami asked the U.N. to set a deadline for Bush to step down in
	favor of president-in-exile Al Gore, the legitimate winner of the
	2000 election, the results of which were subverted through widespread
	voting irregularities and intimidation. "We favor not regime change,
	but rather restoration and liberation," he said. In addition, Khatami
	said, the U.S. must dismantle its weapons of mass destruction,
	guarantee basic human rights to all citizens and agree to abide by
	international law or "face the consequences."

	Most observers agree that those "consequences" would likely include a
	prolonged bombing campaign targeting major U.S. cities and military
	installations, followed by a ground invasion led by European
	forces. "Civilian casualties would likely be substantial," said a
	French military analyst. "But the American people must be liberated
	from tyranny."

	Khatami's charges, which were detailed in a dossier prepared by
	French President Jacques Chirac, were dismissed by a representative
	of the American strongman as "lies, half-truths and misguided
	beliefs, motivated by the desire to control a country with oil,
	natural gas and other natural resources."

	National Security Minister Condoleezza Rice denied that the
	U.S. maintains weapons of mass destruction and invited
	U.N. inspectors to visit Washington to "see for themselves that our
	weapons are designed only to keep the peace, subject of course to
	full respect for American sovereignty."

	The U.N. is expected to reject any conditions for or restrictions on
	arms inspections. Experts believe that the liberation of the United
	States will require a large ground force of European and other
	international troops, followed by a massive rebuilding program
	costing billions of euros.

	"Even before Bush, the American political system was a shambles,"
	said Prof. Salvatore Deluna of the University of Madrid. "Their
	single-party plutocracy will have to be reshaped into true
	parliamentary-style democracy. Moreover, the economy will have to be
	retooled from its current military dictatorship model in which a
	third of the federal budget goes to arms, and taxes are paid almost
	exclusively by the working class--to one in which basic human needs
	such as education and poverty are addressed. Their infrastructure is
	a mess; they don't even have a national passenger train
	system. Fixing a failed state of this size will require many years."


[nb: I don't usually forward humor or known fiction to this list, but this
     was too good not to pass on.  Peace, Fen]